You want to do it well for someone you love. You want the washing to go pleasantly. You want your loved one to take their medication on time. And you want your loved one to feel safe. At the same time, you may notice that there’s a lot you don’t know. How do you lift someone without hurting your back? What do you do when your father gets angry and you don’t understand why? And how do you deal with someone who is low or confused?
Do you sometimes feel unsure about that? That’s completely normal. Almost no one can do this naturally. Caring for someone else is something you learn. Usually not all at once, but step by step. You learn it while you’re doing it. And you don’t have to figure it out alone. There are people who can calmly show and explain it to you. And there are aids that make it easier and safer.
In this article you’ll read what you can learn. You’ll also read how you learn it. And you’ll read which smart aids can help you along the way. Take your time. Pick out whatever fits your situation.
You don’t have to be able to do everything straight away
Maybe it happened bit by bit. First you helped now and then with the groceries. Then with the paperwork. And before you knew it, you were caring for someone a large part of the day. Then it’s only logical that the care sometimes becomes too much for you. After all, you never trained for it.
The good thing is: caring is not a talent that you either have or don’t. It’s something that grows. At first it may feel nerve-racking and awkward. Think of the washing, the dressing, or dealing with difficult behaviour. But after a while it becomes second nature. You get some explanation and you practise. Then you have to think about it less and less.
It helps to be gentle with yourself. You’re allowed to make mistakes. You’re allowed to ask questions. Including the ones you think are “silly”. Because it’s precisely by asking that you learn the fastest. Let someone show you as well. That way the care becomes lighter. For you and for your loved one.
What can you learn?
It helps to know what you can learn. Roughly speaking, it comes down to three things.
Practical care and tasks
These are the everyday things you run into. Like washing and dressing someone. Or helping with going to the toilet. Or safely helping someone stand up and move. Or setting out medication. They seem like small things. But doing them well and safely makes an enormous difference. It’s more pleasant for your loved one. And you spare your own back and shoulders.
You can learn how to move someone without lifting. You learn how to keep the washing pleasant. And you learn what to watch for, like the skin or eating and drinking. A nurse can show you exactly how to do these things.
Dealing with changing behaviour
Sometimes the care is mainly physical. But often your loved one’s behaviour changes too. And that can be the hardest thing to cope with.
With dementia, someone changes slowly. Dementia is an illness in which the memory and thinking get worse and worse. Your loved one may forget your name or become confused. Or keep repeating the same thing. Or be restless at night. Sometimes your loved one becomes angry or suspicious. That can be painful and confusing. It helps to know that this behaviour is part of the illness. It’s not aimed at you personally. You can learn how to bring calm. You learn to go along with how your loved one experiences the world, instead of always correcting them. And you learn how to prevent restlessness.
Are you caring for someone with a mental illness or an addiction? A mental illness is an illness that has to do with your feelings and your thoughts. Then it’s often hard to gauge how your loved one is doing. And what you should or shouldn’t do. Here it’s extra important to know where your limit lies. You are a caregiver, not a therapist. You can learn to better understand what your loved one is going through. And you learn how to support them without pushing yourself past your own limit.
Understanding your loved one better
With every form of care, the same applies. The better you understand what’s happening to your loved one, the more calmly you can respond. Do you know why someone behaves in a certain way? Then it’s easier to keep your patience. And you don’t take everything personally. So understanding is just as much part of it as the practical tasks. That too is part of “learning to care”.
How do you learn it?
Good news: you don’t have to learn this from a book. You learn it mainly from people who do it every day. And in courses made especially for caregivers.
Have the district nurse show you
The easiest way to learn practical care is together with someone. Have someone else do it alongside you. Is home care already coming to your home? Then that’s a good moment to watch along and ask questions.
Is there no care coming to your home yet, but would it help? Home care is nursing and personal care at someone’s home. Here’s how you apply for it:
- Call your GP. They can refer you on.
- A district nurse from the home-care team comes by and looks at what care is needed. You can also call the home care yourself. A referral letter isn’t always necessary.
- Together you make arrangements about who does what.
The district nurse doesn’t only do the care. He or she can also teach you how to do some tasks safely yourself. Feel free to ask for it. That’s what they’re there for. Home care is paid for from the basic health insurance. That’s the standard health insurance that everyone in the Netherlands has. You can read more about the costs of aids and arrangements separately on this site.
Take a course or training for caregivers
Besides learning in practice, you can also take a course. There are trainings especially for caregivers. For example about dealing with dementia. Or about caring for someone with mental health problems. Or about how to keep up the care without collapsing yourself. Often you do that together with other caregivers. That’s nice. You notice then that you’re not the only one running into this.
Do you want to know what’s available? Take a look at Training on this site. There you’ll find the range for caregivers gathered together.
Which aids and technology help?
Learning to care isn’t only about what you can do and know yourself. Smart aids can take a lot of work and worry off your hands. And they make the care safer. A few examples:
- Aids that remind. Voice assistants and special little devices help your loved one remember things. For example appointments, medication, and daily tasks. Some are made especially for people with dementia or Parkinson’s.
- Smart medication dispensers. A medication dispenser gives the right medication at the right moment. That way you don’t have to keep track of everything yourself.
- Sensors and fall detection. These notice when something is wrong. For example a fall, or someone being unusually still for a long time. Then they give you a signal.
- GPS trackers. Handy if your loved one with dementia sometimes wanders and loses their way. With a GPS tracker you know where he or she is.
- Apps to divide the care. Are you sharing the care with brothers, sisters, or neighbours? With an app you keep track of the tasks together. And you coordinate with each other easily. That saves a lot of back-and-forth phone calls.
- Video calling. A check-up with the GP or specialist can sometimes be done by video call. That way you don’t have to travel every time.
You don’t have to bring everything into the house at once. Start with the one thing that helps you the most right now. Are you unsure whether to buy an aid? Or are you unsure whether you’ll get it reimbursed? Ask your municipality (gemeente) about it, at the Wmo desk. Wmo stands for the Wet maatschappelijke ondersteuning. With it, your municipality helps you to keep living at home as long as possible. Or ask the district nurse. You can read more about the costs separately on this site.
Do you want to know how heavy the care is for you?
In between all the learning and arranging, there’s something else that’s important: you yourself. You can only care well for someone else if you stay on your own feet a little too. Are you unsure whether the care is becoming too much for you? A short self-test helps you to get that clear. After that you get tips that fit your situation.
You learn caring best calmly, at your own pace. With a helping hand now and then. And you may freely ask for that helping hand.
A quick summary
- You don’t have to be able to do everything naturally. Caring for someone else is something you learn, step by step. Feeling uncertain is normal.
- You can learn three things: practical care and tasks, dealing with changing behaviour (with dementia or a mental illness), and understanding your loved one better.
- You learn it mainly in practice. Let the district nurse or home care show and explain it to you. You apply for home care through your GP, or you call the home care yourself.
- Also take a course or training for caregivers sometime. Take a look at Training on this site.
- Smart aids and technology (reminders, medication dispensers, sensors, GPS, apps, video calling) make caring safer and easier. Start with what helps you the most right now.
What now?
Choose one thing to start with:
- Do you want to learn practical care? Call your GP or the home care. Ask whether the district nurse can show you.
- Do you want to learn to deal with behaviour, or do you want to keep up the care? Take a look at Training on this site to see which training fits your situation.
- Are you running into a problem that an aid can solve? Discuss it with the district nurse or with your municipality (the Wmo desk).
And don’t forget yourself. Learning to care is allowed at your own pace. Feel free to ask for help. That makes you a better caregiver, not a lesser one.
